I love the way God uses our brothers and sisters to help us out when we least expect it and most need it. I have a confession to make and an apology that goes right along with it. Will you stay and hear my heart?
I shared some words with a brother the other day, they were good words, straight from the Father, but they lacked a revealing of my heart, my soul, and emotions. My brother kindly and lovingly let me know they lacked.
I could have crumpled up that paper and tossed it into the basket saying I would never write again…but there, held in the hollow of God’s hands, I had an epiphany! I came upon Jesus in my friend’s words.
My emotions are the same as yours. They aren’t weird or foreign; they are just as familiar to you too. We might go through different experiences but God created us all with the same emotions. It’s how we process them in the journey. It’s about sharing our story in the journey.
As I write these words, my heart remembers a note I wrote to my Mum many, many years ago. In it, I asked for her forgiveness for not sharing my heart with her, thinking she might not understand me. I was the one who didn’t understand that though our experiences were different our emotions were the same.
I held back for so many years. I remember the shock I felt as I wrote, realizing she loved me and she wanted to know me. Somehow, I felt that because I was a Christian I couldn’t reveal me. Young and immature I was in the way of love as my heart tried to process the pain of giving up my only daughter for adoption. Mum would have completely understood the pain I felt because as a Mum, she would have felt the same and as Grandma, she grieved not knowing her first living grandchild.
The only question was, ‘would I let her in?’ I never fully did until near her end. I was the only family member who was a believer in Jesus and I was the one who made the biggest mess out of my life. I felt shame and confusion; why couldn’t I live like all the other happy, good Christians?
But, you know what my Mum would do? On hard days, like the anniversary date of my abortion for instance, she would call me and tell me how proud she was of me. Of how she saw that I stuck with my faith and she could see how it had made such a difference in my life. I will miss her phone call this year…It amazes me how she saw me persevere and grow in my faith no matter what hardships I went through!
I didn’t know growing up that I was/am hard of hearing and I struggled with all my relationships because of my inability to hear the way others could. I was always so frustrated with people for speaking so softly, what was wrong with speaking a little louder for goodness sake? It is only in the looking back I understand my feelings of not really connecting with my friends. I never fully or correctly heard the words spoken and so I kept my words and my heart to myself. Circumstances are different today.
Thankfully, Bruce understood our crazy misunderstandings in our early years of marriage as a hearing problem and set about to remedy that for me. Withholding my heart is a pattern I choose to break. Today, the question is ‘will I let you in?’
Today I choose to share my heart, so my journey in finding why God’s Word is greater than gold will be a blessing to you.
Today I ask you to forgive me for holding back my heart from you. Will you journey with me, for surely I am learning that together we are better and together we are stronger?
Together, when we share our hearts we can uncover the lies of the enemy and we can link arms and hearts and offer protection for one another in the storms of life.
Linking up with: Friday Five @ http://wateredsoul.com