The Abyss

Six months of minutes have come and gone since the passing of the son in our family.  The work of his own hands has left a gap in our hearts.

Six months since hearing the question, timidly, tearfully asked, “Dad?  Do you think he is with Jesus?”

Six months since feeling my husband’s heart break.  His own frailties and mortality before him.

Though emotions have raged like a roaring ocean, we are in the Ocean of His love.  The son has been in the Ocean of love too.  There is nowhere he could go to escape that vast Ocean.  Not even death could separate him from the love of Christ.  Not even death!  Oh, how that excites my heart today.  The love of Jesus is real, powerful and for us.

He’d given his heart to Jesus and wanted to love Him.  Though he may have squirmed and squiggled in his Father’s arms, his Father never loosed His grip, only loosed His love to bind it even tighter and continued to hold him.

We all squiggle and squirm at some point in our lives don’t we?  We all have different emotional needs but none that are beyond the Father’s love grasp.

The Lord ministers to each one of us differently too.  With me, He carried me.  He simply carried me this past while and bit by bit, He has brought healing to my heart.  In very unexpected ways too.

He gave me a dream this past Saturday night about John that had my eyes streaming tears on Sunday.

It was amazing and I wanted to wake Bruce up, communicate with him somehow and ask if I was awake or asleep or was he alive to this too?  I have never felt more fully alive…well perhaps when I was graced with the dream about my Mum…

In this dream, John’s Grandma wanted Bruce to pay $300.00 so John could get his license back.  I was angry about this, I felt anger and then the scene shifted and before my eyes, all my anger, all my old me was swallowed up in a black abyss.

As soon as it was swallowed it was sealed in yellow.  It has been said that yellow signifies wisdom.

Wisdom is Jesus.

John came forward,

          only to be swallowed up in the abyss too.

 All of him was swallowed up and immediately the abyss was sealed again in yellow.   

He was swallowed up in Christ and no matter how he struggled and fought throughout his life, his old self was swallowed up, sealed with yellow.

He was in Christ and not for anything would Jesus reach down into the dark abyss.

  John was covered in yellow and that was final.  Perhaps he did not always walk in wisdom, but always in Christ, always wearing the cloak of righteousness no matter how often he tried to shrug it off.  The arm of Jesus held it securely around his shoulders.

 My last pictures were of John, in yellow! joyously running like the wind leaping high into the air to catch a football pass.  Jesus was grinning at his catch.

Suddenly, heaven seems exciting to me because loved ones are there.  I know John is there, I believe my Mum is there too sitting by her window.  Is she looking for me?  Is she hoping her other children and grandchildren will hear the good news of Jesus Christ and make decisions to believe and ask Him into their hearts? Is she hoping she will have us all gathered round her once again?

And John?  I think he would want to encourage his loved ones to hold onto the love of Jesus and to walk with Him all the days of their lives. To learn to trust His love and care for them. To learn His Word and love His Word so they walk in joyous obedience and blessing.

What a glorious day that will be when we are reunited. 

Today is a glorious day as we consider the truth of Colossians 2:11-14

In Him you were also circumcised with the circumcision made without hands, by putting off the body of the sins of the flesh, by the circumcision of Christ,  buried with Him in baptism, in which you also were raised with Him through faith in the working of God who raised Him from the dead.

 And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses, having wiped out the the handwriting of requirements that was against us which was contrary to us.  And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the Cross.


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  1. Patty Christison. says

    This post reflects the beauty of our Lord,Jeannie and the amazing love He has for each of us. I like the phrase that Jesus’ arm was holding the cloak of righteousness in place over John. What a comfort and blessing to recieve 2 dreams and to know that your loved ones are secure and safe with Him!

    • Jeannie says

      Patty, so glad the beauty of our Lord was reflected, His love is the most amazing and He deserves all the glory. Yes it is a brand new feeling now when I think of heaven and who awaits me there! Bless you and love your heart.

  2. Cheryl Cope says

    God is so good! He is so faithful to comfort in times of great need. I love the way He let you know that nothing could separate from the love of God, even the black abyss. This story could comfort so many other people going through a similar loss.

  3. Eva Popek says

    “Though emotions have raged like a roaring ocean, we are in the Ocean of His love. The son has been in the Ocean of love too.” the ocean is SO HUGE, in reading this it floods my soul with that amazing, huge love of God, that we don’t truly in our flesh understand. We understand in part and love with all we can, but God’s love is so great, so much greater than the great pain we may be going through. Praising God for the way he provides us with peace, like with a dream, or the picture you get after hearing words, or seeing them, in being in a specific place at a specific time. He is showing us (me) so much, and desires us (me) to receive.

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