Shattered but Surrendered

Our recent trip to Edmonton was discouraging, quite sobering and made us realize afresh how frail our lives are.

We were hoping with our appointment with the surgeon that he would tell us robotic surgery would be a piece of cake for Bruce to undergo. This was not the case.

We had prayed that morning.  I had prayed Proverbs 3: 6 “In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.”  We felt quite well armed as we prepared for the appointment; I had even had a picture of a sparkling shield growing bigger and bigger around us as we spoke the Word of the Lord over our circumstances. Psalm 91: 4 His truth shall be your shield and buckler.

We have continually spoken faith, believed and trusted in God’s Word and so yes, we felt as if our hopes and dreams were being shattered as we sat in the surgeon’s office.  There is just something about being one with your partner. I was able to feel Bruce’s emotions and they were so tangible to me I almost fainted…I choose to laugh about it now, but I saw sparkles that were not from any shield! The room was spinning and the Dr’s voice seemed to be coming from such a long way away….he was intently speaking to Bruce, looking him in the eyes while I was looking around the room wondering what I might be able to throw up in!  As he left his office for a moment, I took advantage of his leaving to wipe the droplets of sweat off my face and neck.  There is no questioning Bruce and I looked green underneath our tans.

However, there are jewels in the journey and those are what I am looking for.  I praise God for keeping us safe in traffic…yep, there was a near miss.  I praise God that He is big enough to deal with all of our questions, our disappointments and the feeling of it not being fair.   For a doctor who swivels his chair up close to his patient and says “if you were my relative I would recommend radiation therapy.”  Words that instilled fear into the two of us even though our hearts are convinced God is with us, holding us by His mighty right hand, and in that handholding blessing is released.

We spent the day in shock and disbelief trying to figure things out...we had a dinner date with my stepdaughter, a woman who has grown into an amazing woman of God. 

She spoke wisdom to her papa, encouraged us, and the most beautiful jewel of all was when she reminded us of verse 5 in Proverbs 3. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”  We had forgotten that!!! 

Each time it was necessary, she reminded us to not lean on our own understanding but to trust the Lord with all our heart.  Beautiful jewel.  We fed on the fruit of all that Bruce has poured into her over the years.  I cannot begin to tell you what an amazing blessing she has been to me over the past few months. I could not help the tears from flowing.

Our tears continued on our drive home.  We worshiped and I read the Bible aloud.   I read the first few verses from Matthew 5 in The Message and I would like to share them with you as they spoke volumes to our hearts and caused a fresh flow of healing tears.

When Jesus saw his ministry drawing huge crowds, he climbed a hillside.  Those who were apprenticed to him, the committed, climbed with him.  Arriving at a quiet place, he sat down and taught his climbing companions.  This is what he said:

You are blessed when you are at the end of your rope.  With less of you, there is more of God and his rule.

You are blessed when you feel you have lost what is most dear to you.  Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

We are committed to climb our mountains with Jesus.  We are at the end of our rope.  We long for people to see the glory of God in us.  We long for the day when every second our days is ruled by His royal law of love.

The diagnosis of cancer is fearful and it makes us feel that we have lost or are losing what is most dear to us.  We are therefore, being embraced by the One most dear to us.  He is so awesome and our eyes will have to stay wide open to see His mighty right hand of blessing at work in our lives.

Even though we feel we are in the fire, and it is hot, it is cool to our God.  Just as He fellowshipped with Adam in the cool of the day, so He fellowships with us.  He loves us, He came to save us. He is the Consuming Fire and He has come to us to burn out all impurities in our lives

As Bruce sang to the Lord, he began to get a fresh picture of the holiness of his God.  He drew nearer in worship.  He saw that the closer he came to the holiness of God the impurities in his life would fall away.  Seeking the Lord and drawing close to Him would cause God to draw close to Him and sickness and disease would have no choice but to fall away.

He feels very humbled.  His heart’s desire is to worship, to see the beauty of His holiness and to draw near and then nearer still. The most important thing of all to him is the holiness of his God.

Next week we will find out when his appointment for an MRI and radiologist is.  Will you stand with us in prayer asking God to constrain the cancer within the prostate?  We do not understand why we must go through this fiery trial; we do understand that we choose to surrender to God.

Though we feel shattered, in our surrender to Him there will be a lifting up.

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  1. Shelly Brown says

    Agreeing in prayer with you, Jeannie. I am so very sorry you are having to walk this journey. It’s uncertain to you, but as you clearly conveyed between the lines, it’s not uncertain to God. He knows and He fellowships with you as you described. Much love and prayers to you. <3

    • Jeannie says

      Thanks Shelly, so grateful for your prayers and glad I clearly conveyed that I know God knows all things and the end of all things as well as the reason for them. Much love and prayers right back to you.

  2. Mel Thompson says

    [25] Behold, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt! And the form of the fourth is like a son of the gods! [26b]Then Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego came out from the midst of the fire. [27] The fire had no power upon their bodies, nor was the hair of their head singed; neither were their garments scorched or changed in color or condition, nor had even the smell of smoke clung to them. [28] Then Nebuchadnezzar said, Blessed be the God of BRUCE and JEANNIE…, Who has sent His angel and delivered His servants who believed in, trusted in, and relied on Him! Daniel 3:25-28

  3. Florence Achama says

    Dear Jeannie and Bruce, I am so glad that the Father gave you jewels to comfort and gladden your heart. Yes it is uncertain, yes it is scary and yes He is still in control but He also understands that we have to live in the day to day moments so He gives us these jewels to help us in our journey. I don’t really have much to say but just know that my heart, mind and prayers are with you both. I am standing with you in prayer and I know that you choose and have placed yourselves firmly under the will and wing of our Creator. He knows best, sees all and is all to us, because He IS we are no longer bound in fear.

    Love you lots dear friend and I am truly grateful and happy that your step-daughter has been a blessing to you both xxxx

  4. Patty Christison. says

    Yes, I am standing with you in prayer,Jeannie. In the midst of this pressure the jewel within you and Bruce is shining bright! May God wrap His loving arms around you and hold you close.

    • Jeannie says

      Thank you so much for commenting on my blog posts!! It is such an awesome blessing to me to read your comments….you have known me well…although you have not had the “pleasure” of getting to know the hearing Jeannie.
      My heart is full of gratitude and I am so glad we were able to reconnect – thank you for sharing grace with me.

  5. Pastor Sherry says

    I too am standing with you in prayer, Jeannie, As you were talking about hit trials, my mind went to the same verse that I see Mel quoted above. God rescued His servants from the fire. But before they ever went into the fire, they were prepared to either be burned or be rescued. Their heart was at peace. I pray that God continue to give you “jewels” to smooth your way and show you He is still with you. “I will never leave nor forsake you.”

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