Hiding God’s word in our hearts keeps us from sin. Sounds cut and dry, a good reason if we are living to proclaim the blessing of purity in our lives. It is also a good reason because sin has tentacles that are vast and many. We never know when sin might trip us up and we fall into the trap the enemy has set for us.
I am not going to fall into the trap; I see it and name it as worry and fear. Today I have learned another reason and if this had been the only reason the Bible mentioned, it would be worth it.
When I hide God’s word in my heart, in my times of travail and difficulty, when I get myself quieted, the Holy Spirit will bring to my mind those verses I have hidden in my heart.
“My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him.” Psalm 62:5
I am expecting, I am silent, my soul feels anguished. Today I am hearing, “He never gives us more than we can bear”… “I am with you”… “I am the God who heals, I am Faithful”…
Today my heart is hurting. I wonder, how do I be strong for my husband? He chuckles when he tells the story of me breaking down and bursting into tears at the information stand at the Cross (cancer clinic). He tells, with a big smile of how when he was registering the sobering news the Dr. was relating, he didn’t realize I was close to fainting until the Dr. left us for a moment and only then did he see my sweat covered face…
My mother was still alive when we found out about Bruce and I didn’t tell her anything about the diagnosis. I did tell her though about Bruce’s son committing suicide and shared my faith with her - I shared Jesus with her – I shared Jesus sensing urgency in my spirit to do so - phone lines were even ground. She never wanted me to talk about Him in her own home and I had to respect and honor her no matter how hard it was to keep silent. In her home, the door was closed to the Greatest Love of our lives.
That Friday was the last time I ever spoke with her. In her diary, I read on that day she wrote, “I am glad they find so much comfort in their faith.” How my heart ached when I read that entry wishing with all my heart she too could have had a faith in God to find comfort in.
God does amazing things though doesn’t He? He uses circumstances, hard circumstances to bring people to Himself. A few weeks ago, I woke up from the most alive dream that was about my mother. I hadn’t dreamt of her yet and this one – well let me tell you…
“Bruce and I were in the house and I looked out the window and saw my mum walking down the street and I knew I had to go out and help her. I ran out and there was a curb I had to help her over so she could get to the other side. We then looked up and I pointed to a huge brick mansion a way far off and I said, “see, your room is just up there, you can just about make out your window.” The next thing I knew we were there. People were milling about and the atmosphere had a sense of excitement and anticipation. There was a clear partition and on the other side, angelic beings were performing a type of CPR on people. CPR was so fast you could barely see the hands moving, the peoples’ heads were far back, and their mouths had wide grins. Out of them flowed joy and laughter. The transition was instantaneous and joyful. It seemed like a wonderful place to be but I had to leave and felt great peace about Mum remaining there.” Then I woke up.
We have Bruce’s radiation schedule as of this morning and I have been feeling – well, just nervous about the unknown of this next step. All day I have had this crazy feeling of wishing I could talk to my mum even though I didn’t plan on telling her about Bruce’s diagnosis for as long as possible, if at all. It is such a crazy feeling because there was so much I didn’t tell my mum simply because it was Jesus based. I did tell her that Friday about doing the radio interview (with Anchored in Christ Ministries and Shane Davis) and she shocked me when she half groaned and said, “I wish you’d tell me these things.” I should have known she would have been proud of me even though she didn’t understand my love for God and His greater love for her.
There will be jewels in this journey that we are walking one step at a time. I remember that the Lord said His word would be a light unto our path and a lamp unto our feet. I just need to move my feet so He can shine His light.
Romans 8:31-32 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?
Psalm 84:11-12 For the Lord our God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, blessed is the man who trusts in You!”